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When asking a friend for help, I always go by the adage business before pleasure.

Write a small paragraph describing what you want. Start with a one sentence summary. End with pleasantries. If you do it in the reverse order, it seems much more like you are trying to exchange pleasantries for a favor, and feels like there is less genuine interest in the person's life.

I think that's because a lot of people front-load the request for a favor with a lot of pleasantries, and you just build that gut reaction of fear because you don't know how big the favor will be until it's asked.

The thing I hate to hear most of all? "Can I ask you a big favor?" Just ask me the favor. When I hear those words, I brace myself. It's doubly annoying when the favor is small.



Ah the "big favor". In a business context, I always say "No. Apologies but I have to take care of X, maybe Y can help you instead?".

Of course if you had just come out and asked me from the start, I'd be more likely to help you especially if its something that interests me.


Your adage reminds me of a catchy coinage that's stuck with me in the years since I first read it: the "suck/ask separation". See:

http://www.slate.com/id/2131597/&#taosuck




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